the Sweaty Yogi

When I first started practicing Bikram yoga it was not long until I was introduced to the 30-Day Challenge. I was unable to participate but I watched as other students went on, day after day, placing their stickers onto the Challenge sheet. When the thirty days were nearing completion, the instructors those who missed out to sign up to join students who were going continue on for a 60-Day Challenge. I still didn’t sign up.

This year has got me thinking a lot about my practice; what are my intentions with my yoga? It is an apparent and a nebulous thing. There are many… many ways in which yoga has impacted my life; distilled down I would say that through yoga, I am making a better, healthier me.

This December I set the intention to do 31 classes over 31 days. I set this challenge for myself because I wanted to reprogram how I think about how many classes I can practice and teach over 31 days. It feels like I’ve been letting myself excuse myself from practicing because I taught two classes earlier in the day. I’m too dehydrated. I’m low on energy; I was telling myself this before I checked in to see if I was either of those things. I am using this month to get this silliness out of my head.

December is right around the corner and it has me thinking about about my yoga practice. It’s nearly ten yers since I started practicing Bikram Yoga and I still hear a voice telling myself that I haven’t practiced hard enough. It is a silly thought that worms its way into my thoughts whenever my lower back is sore. If you have been working harder, your body would be feeling better.

Three years ago my body failed me. Pain was radiating from my lower back, all the way down to my left toe. It was unyielding. CT scans revealed that I had two herniated intervertebral disks and the protrusions were pressing against my sciatic nerve. I was put on bed rest and was told that if peed or pooped myself that I would need an emergency surgery to fix the problem.

I was scared, sad, and angry.

I realized that even though I had maintained a diligent yoga practice, it was not an honest one. I would push through pain sensations in order to get deeper into a posture. I thoroughly believed that if I could get myself into the final position that it would be proof that I had a healthy body. I learned the hard way that this was not true, if anything, I was creating more dissonance in my body.

When I was able to return my practice my approach to the twenty-six postures and two breathing exercises changed completely. Instead of pushing through the pain, I was exploring it. The moment I felt any sharp pain I would back off a little bit and allow my breath to feel where these sensations lived in my body. I was learning that mindful movement was more important then what my postures looked like in the mirror. I was teaching myself patience and most importantly I was learning to love my broken body.

Yoga. When go into the way back machine of my mind and try to fathom when was the first time I was introduced to yoga I am transported to a local arcade in the early 90s playing a game called Street Fighter II: The World Warrior. Among the cast of characters was one from India named Dhalsim. He had limbs that would stretch across the screen and he could spew projectiles of fire while saying, “Yoga Flame”.

It was not until 2008 when I had my first authentic experience of yoga. Bikram Yoga Saanich had opened up in my neighbourhood and a flyer invited me in for a free class. At the time I believed that yoga was merely a stretching exercise and thought it would be a good compliment to my gym workout. I knew that the Bikram method was performed in a hot room, however I was unprepared for how challenging the 90 minute class would be. I was amazed by the practitioners in the room moving along to the instructors commands with graceful determination as I struggled to stay in the room; the only thing I had to do.

After the final posture I left the room perplexed: I had thought that I was a pretty fit guy and I questioned if that was in fact true. Furthermore I felt really good once I was outside of the room despite not participating in many of the postures. I signed up for the unlimited introductory offer and took ten classes over two weeks. I didn’t know why but I was hooked. Sign me up for the next three months. Sign me up for the annual pass.

As the years passed by my practice became more disciplined and I found that my yoga was leaking out of the hot room. The first realization was when I became aware that my road-rage was no longer present; I used to be very road-ragey. Before this point I was still under the impression that yoga was just an exercise; a fitness routine and that all of the spiritual-mind-body “stuff” was a bunch woo-woo. Something was changing in me and the change was more than just my physical transformation. My mind was changing as well: I was feeling better about myself and I was feeling better about my life.

Even though I still enjoy spewing out a yoga flame here and there, yoga has become so much more than a special move that a character does in a video game. It is an approach in which a person can make a change in their own being.